"Erai" - greatness

"Erai!"
I was asking Moriyama, my dojo's boss/sensei about a competition, and he said that there was nothing yet. "But first," he said, "Fix your shoulder. And your arms are weak! You need to make them double the size!"
I know that! ;_; I'm doing my best! I'm trying to lift weights when I'm not hurt...I'm trying to do push ups, I explained...nothing seems to be working. It's so frustrating for me, and I got really depressed and was freaking out during the rest of class with those feelings. They drive me crazy.
Plus, I really wanted to impress Moriyama-san. He's an important male leader figure for me.
So I managed to train really hard, and fought Hashi a lot. She was able to train longer than me today, which also drives me nuts. To quote Piccolo in the Japanese version, "watashi yori tsuyoi hito no sonzai ga yurusanai dake da" or something to that effect. When King Kai asked him why he was training, he said "I can't tolerate anyone being stronger than I." That's kind of true for me, I think.
I've been trying to copy Hashi and Takeshita's workout habits to become as strong as them, and they always lift the heavy bag and do lots of squats. I did 100 today after my workout. Then I packed up and left at 10:15, and just as I was leaving, everyone was starting to do the routine of 300 push ups.
I left the building. Then, I turned around and went back.
"Wasure mon?" Moriyama-san asked. "Did you forget something?"
"Hai, wasure mon desu," I answered. "Yes, I forgot something." (usually implying a physical item.) I stripped off my jacket, took off my glasses, and proceeded to do push ups. I couldn't do the full ones as much as the rest of the keishukai crew, which eats me up, but I did what I was capable of, neither accepting that nor letting it eat at me. "jibun no dekiru dake koto wo yaru." Just do what you are capable of doing, they like to say. "I think about my weakness in my head, and then spar, and spar, and spar," Monma had told me for advice.
As Moriyama left the dojo ahead of us, he turned around and said to me, "Erai!" That is roughly translated to "greatness." That lifted me up 200% I did as many push ups as my arms would let me do, and then helped everyone clean the dojo. It was refreshing seeing the other pros like Kadowaki tired. They're almost like gods to me who can go and go and never get hurt or tired.
(by the way, that pic is of Moriyama-san and myself and Tetsu dressed as an Alien at the drinking party we had last April.)

